You might be an import racer if....

[blueautomach]

Well, I got inspired by the idiot in the SRT yesterday and came up with a few laughs on my hour and a half drive home. Thought I'd share (a couple of these I think I might have heard elsewhere).

YOU MIGHT BE AN IMPORT RACER IF...

- Your tach is larger than your steering wheel
- You think that a "line-lock" is a professional wrestling move
- You have more top 40 club hits in your car than a gay disco
- You have perfected the "fake slam into 2nd gear" in your automatic
- You think that a "cool air intake" is worth a second in the 1/4 mile, which actually it might be on your 18 second car
- You no longer remember how hats are supposed to be worn
- You load down your high-dollar import "street fighter" racecar with 500lbs of stereo equipment
- You have lost more than $180 by putting a $20 bill on your dash and betting the passenger that they can't grab it when you accelerate
- Your car looks like a UFO, but drives like a Zepplin
- You have to walk stiff-legged to keep your pants from falling off of your a$$
- You can't wait to take your car to the track to see your new times with your new aluminum wing
- You think that the longer you stare under the hood of your car the better your chances are of figuring out how to replace your air filter
- You have perfected the "loser fly-by"
- You "supercharged" your car with the Tornado Air Diffuser, and can feel the seat of the pants difference
- You sing along with Brittney and Christina
- You have "NOPI power" tattooed on your 9" bicep
- You start half of your conversations with: " One time, on Gran Tourismo 3..."
- The only NOS parts on your car are the stickers and floormats
- You think that a 225 flywheel horsepower car is worth putting racing seats and a five-point harness in
- You wear a tank top and visor to your McDonalds job interview
- You have more posts in online street racing forums than miles on your car
- Your saturday night racecar is also the sunday family church car
- You punch a hole in your gas tank to put the fuel line in for your wet nitrous kit (saw that somewhere on line)
- You paint your whole brake assembly so it will stand out (that one too)
- You think that "short blocks, long blocks, small blocks, and big blocks" are all of the different types of LEGOS
- You fail to realize that that bigger, heavier wheels and un-aerodynamic body kits actually hurt performance
- There are more glowing lights on your car than on an adult novelty store
- Every modification for your car has come from Autozone
- You made your front bumper in shop class....and got a "C-"
- Birds refuse to crap on your car
- You have a pillar pod with a compass in it
- There are more letters designating the model of your car than in your name

and finally...

- You have ever been screamed at by your mother (who you still live with) for taping one of your street races against your buddies stock Civic hatchback over last year's family vacation to Disney Land







Feel free to add to this

[thumper]

[QUOTE=blueautomach
- You think that "short blocks, long blocks, small blocks, and big blocks" are all of the different types of LEGOS
[/QUOTE]

Now that's funny!

[SlidinSIDEways]

you refer to the "big shot" as 35hp

[04azuremach]

You think yellow = fast
You think because you've added rims, underglow neons, racing stripes, a killer sound system, neon lite up pedals, black out headlights, aftermarket windshield wipers, a bunch of decals and top it off with a K&N air filter and claim it's much faster than a stock model. (I'm guilty of this, go to my cardomain page and scroll down to the link of my old car )
You put a tach in an automatic.
You put it in neutral at an uphill light to make people think you have a stick shift
You think that since your Honda has more HP/Liter you will have the upper hand over a car with more HP/lbs
At the straight track you brag about how good your car is on the AutoX and at the AutoX tracks you brag about how it's a 1/4 mile beast
You think FWD gives more traction because the engine puts all the weight on the front tires
You run nitrous on your car and run 15's
You put a turbo on your car and run 14's
The 5 speed version of your car is 2 seconds faster than the automatic in the 1/4
You lose the 1/4 by a full second and are still only 4 feet behind
You run 15's and wear a helmet at the track
You claim your K&N air filter gave you 25 HP
Your car rides on airbags and you claim it runs 10's
You've ever lost a race to a minivan and tried to justify the loss by saying the minivan had a V6

I could do so many more, but I'm bored for now... more later I promise

[San Pedro Mach]

Originally Posted by blueautomach

- You have a pillar pod with a compass in it

:LAUGH:

[04VAMach1]

Originally Posted by 04azuremach

You've ever lost a race to a minivan and tried to justify the loss by saying the minivan had a V6

Anybody wanna run my wife's Windstar? It'll surprise you.

You think that 4x4 crewcab dually pulling the dump trailer in the next lane can't beat you from a stoplight. Then you blame it on the temperature (or humidity) when it does.

[Mr Scary]

Originally Posted by 04azuremach

You lose the 1/4 by a full second and are still only 4 feet behind

[IMACHU04]

if you purge your nitrous system at a mach 1 and first sight of a redlight or stopsign pull off the road..............



you know who you are if you read this!!!!!

[EZMachN]

You have lost more than $180 by putting a $20 bill on your dash and betting the passenger that they can't grab it when you accelerate

[RnJstel]

Dont forget,

1. Your "race" car was driven by Mom for commuting 2 years ago.
2. When you lose it was "my car was not set up for drag"
3. You actually believe Fast and Furious is a documentary.
4. Although you have only seen the big cities on TV, you dress and act like you are "ghetto hard"
5. You paint your rotors
6. You have no idea what caster and camber are.
7. you ask for the price of an MSD at the speed shop but have no idea what it is for ( I have witnessed this)
8. You never make eye contact at a light with a Mustang or F Body.
9. When the Mustang ahead of you stops at the light and the lane next to it is open, you blow the light the give a fart can blast???
10. you have a 3/4 inch exhaust system that empties into a 10 inch muffler.
11. You try to race cars when it is raining and the roads are slick.
12. You never go to the track to really race, 16 seconds is a true reality check.

All ricers should die. I know its wrong but, as a Fireman in my home we laugh and make jokes at their cars and them when cutting their retarded bodies out of the wrecks.

[blueautomach]

- Your life's ambition is to be like Eminem
- You can fit your toolbox in the glove compartment
- You have 17 different manufacturer's stickers on your car, all of which have nothing to do with performance
- You wash your car with Palmolive
- You pass a minivan on the way to the grocery store and turn your hazards on
- You go into a convenience store, buy a big gulp and realize that it displaces more C.I. than your engine
- You are the only person in town with a "Sephia Racing" jacket
- You actually entertain a Hyundai vs. Suzuki arguement

more to come.......gotta get back to work

[03mach69mach]

Don't forget the-
"If you've ever cleaned your engine by taking out the plugs and washing out the cylinders to remove the carbon".......An actual post on the SRT 4 forum!!!


This is one funny, but so true thread

Ricers=

[JDMach03]

Originally Posted by 04VAMach1

Anybody wanna run my wife's Windstar? It'll surprise you.

I was with my family in our Windstar and had a ricer pull up next to me at a red light where you have to merge into one lane from two after the intersection. He pulled up there past a long line of cars behind me with the intent of beating all of us into the merge. They looked over at us and laughed with their hats tilted to the side and no doubt their pants drooping to their knees. When the light changed I punched it and easily beat them into the merge. My wife looked over at me with 'the look' and asked me what the hell I was doing. The funny part was that there was an Explorer behind me and he stayed right on my bumper and beat the guy out too!

(Thinking to myself......did I really just post a kill story about my wife's mini-van?) :LAUGH:

[badappl]

This board does not condone racing... therefore any story involving a minivan will be acceptable

[KissmyAZZure]

If you've ever tailgated a mach 1 from 2 feet behind while in heavy traffic (and count that as a kill), you might be a ricer.

If you have to take up two parking spaces because of your spoiler, you might be a ricer.

If you think that an 80mph trap speed is your goal this year, you might be a ricer.

If you could fit your entire engine into your exhaust tip!!!, you might be a ricer.

If you have a Vin Deisel shrine in your room, you might be a ricer.

[slodog]

Originally Posted by blueautomach

YOU MIGHT BE AN IMPORT RACER IF...


- Your saturday night racecar is also the sunday family church car

Feel free to add to this

HEY!! Wait a minute, MY car is the church car. Why should the fun end on saturday night, there's still plenty more week-end left.

This thread is GREAT, Lookin forward to an import smokin' summer!!!!

[JLG41MACH]

Originally Posted by KissmyAZZure

If you've ever tailgated a mach 1 from 2 feet behind while in heavy traffic (and count that as a kill), you might be a ricer.

If you have to take up two parking spaces because of your spoiler, you might be a ricer.

If you think that an 80mph trap speed is your goal this year, you might be a ricer.

If you could fit your entire engine into your exhaust tip!!!, you might be a ricer.

If you have a Vin Deisel shrine in your room, you might be a ricer.

[falcongtho3]

You might be an import racer (ricer?) if this sticker offends you...


(PS, This may be the funniest thread ever on here!)

[73mach]

hey whats wrong with vin diesle well f&f wasnt my favorite of his movies i still enjoy him pitch black and cronicals of riddic were very good imo

[JLG41MACH]

Originally Posted by 73mach

hey whats wrong with vin diesle well f&f wasnt my favorite of his movies i still enjoy him pitch black and cronicals of riddic were very good imo

Did you notice, in the 2 F&F movies, all the classic American cars were destroyed? What a waste. I would have totaled all the god damned ricer P.O.S.'s.

Mach on.

[TheBlkMach1]

Originally Posted by JLG41MACH

Did you notice, in the 2 F&F movies, all the classic American cars were destroyed? What a waste. I would have totaled all the god damned ricer P.O.S.'s.

Mach on.

I know. That pissed me off.

You might be a ricer if...

..your car's custom graphics were bought at Pep Boys.
..you go for the "carbon fiber" hood look by painting it primer.
..you buy most of your go-fast mods from Wal-Mart.
..you drive like a bat out of hell..except when your next to a car that actually has some balls.
..you rev your engine at another car...going in the opposite direction.
..your rims cost more than your car.
..you think that it's actually "cool" to bounce and scrape driving down the rode because you cut 5 inches off your stock springs.
..your muffler is the size of a scuba tank.
..your back seat has become home to your new speaker box.

[FattyMcTrickle]

You strive to run 13...... In the 1/8 mile.

[03mach69mach]

If you've ever used the word "shizzle" to describe your "Whip".....You might be a ricer.

[Shaker Dan]

You are the only person in town with a "Sephia Racing" jacket
- You actually entertain a Hyundai vs. Suzuki arguement

These are just tooooooo funny!!!! As a joke I thought about finding a wing, etc.... for my beater Sephia and driving it by the import people.

[slodog]

actually, i thought about the same thing w/ my beater truck. 2x4's w/ a 2x10 across the top. and four coffee cans end to end for a "muffler" and a black spray paint hood.

but i don't know if i could drive it like that.