Hey. I need someone to talk to - Page 2 - 2003-04 Mach 1 Registry Owners Club

jasionox666x · 04-23-2014, 12:18 AM

She talks to me, we talk to one another.

I was never an emotional person. I was always a hardass. I always thought that saying "I love you" was enough.

I had my issues and I have worked on them.

Her complaints now are:
I don't take initiative. I need to be told to do laundry, dished, whatever.
I have a bad memory and I don't go to the doctor about it.
I had anger issues, they are gone now though.
I have a bad memory, wait, I already mentioned that.
I need to grow up and be a man, I think this ties into the initiative portion.
Apparently I go back to my old habits of not communicating properly, taking her complaints are criticism and defending myself and criticising her back.

I'm going to go to therapy about these issues. A cognitive behavioral therapist / Marriage Counselor.

We are doing a separation as well.

She will be seeing a therapist as well and eventually we will go as a couple to the same therapist we see individually.

bluoval · 04-23-2014, 08:05 AM

This book saved our marriage before it even started:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Langu...love+languages

jasionox666x · 04-23-2014, 08:28 AM

She asked me to read it a long time ago and I pushed it off to the side.

I eventually read it though and wished I would have read it when she had asked me to.

She said she needs to know my changes are genuine now.

She put up a wall so that she won't be disappointed again.

It's killing me

bluoval · 04-23-2014, 09:30 AM

The people we care about can only take so much - then we must act our way back into them trusting us. Words mean little without verifiable action of course.

not a gt · 04-23-2014, 10:19 AM

Do NOT change the essence of who you are. The drinking, attitude etc, yes can be worked on and improved. At the same time, a marriage is not blackmail or extortion, do not lose YOUR identity trying to be everything SHE wants. She THINKS that is what she wants, but then she won't respect you caving in to ALL her demands. You will reach a point that it will hit you: All you did didn't really matter, she already had a vision in her mind of how she wanted you to be, it just wasn't you. I really hope it all works out and you clebrate a 50 year anniversary..as YOU!!!, not a shell of who you truly are just to make HER happy. All my best wishes brother...stay strong!!!

jasionox666x · 04-23-2014, 10:46 AM

Understood but it sucks when it's not reciprocated. Then it's a push and pull situation.

I pay attention to her, love her, and everything, but when I ignore her and don't pay attention she gets emotional and cries.

jasionox666x · 04-23-2014, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by not a gt

Do NOT change the essence of who you are. The drinking, attitude etc, yes can be worked on and improved. At the same time, a marriage is not blackmail or extortion, do not lose YOUR identity trying to be everything SHE wants. She THINKS that is what she wants, but then she won't respect you caving in to ALL her demands. You will reach a point that it will hit you: All you did didn't really matter, she already had a vision in her mind of how she wanted you to be, it just wasn't you. I really hope it all works out and you clebrate a 50 year anniversary..as YOU!!!, not a shell of who you truly are just to make HER happy. All my best wishes brother...stay strong!!!

She said that to me. She doesn't want me to change who I am as a person, she just wants me to improve the way I handle arguments and wants me to take more responsibility as a man instead of being lazy. Stop putting myself down, stop criticizing, stop being negative. Show her I love her instead of just telling her.

not a gt · 04-24-2014, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jasionox666x

She said that to me. She doesn't want me to change who I am as a person, she just wants me to improve the way I handle arguments and wants me to take more responsibility as a man instead of being lazy. Stop putting myself down, stop criticizing, stop being negative. Show her I love her instead of just telling her.

Seem pretty reasonable as far as request go..be positive, tell yourself "I am the Man", don't argue at all..just stare at her, and if she wants you to show love, every day no matter where you are, bend her over and... well you get it. Dude, if she is worth it, that is some pretty easy s**t to change..work on it..by YOURSELF!!

jasionox666x · 04-24-2014, 08:41 AM

Oh I know I'm the man!
I will do this.
I have an appointment on Monday with a counselor/therapist/whatever people call them these days.

I feel weak asking for help like this, I really do. Makes me feel less of a man, but it's something I NEED to do.

I ****ing love this woman to death

TKat13 · 04-24-2014, 03:07 PM

Been there! My wife works as hard as I do, this means that when the trash is full, dishes need cleaning , etc, then whomever sees it first takes care of it. If I see her doing dishes, I get up off my *** and clean the counter and check the level of trash. It is a partnership, I do my own laundry, she does hers (I turned a shirt of hers pink and shrank it , so I do not do hers, lol) but we both do our daughter's laundry, when she was younger. No one ever has to ask the other to help. There are certain chores that I do and some she does but after this many years we know which are which. Just help on the daily grind items, it goes a very long way. But, like I said, my wife works her butt off...

bluoval · 04-24-2014, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TKat13

Been there! My wife works as hard as I do, this means that when the trash is full, dishes need cleaning , etc, then whomever sees it first takes care of it. If I see her doing dishes, I get up off my *** and clean the counter and check the level of trash. It is a partnership, I do my own laundry, she does hers (I turned a shirt of hers pink and shrank it , so I do not do hers, lol) but we both do our daughter's laundry, when she was younger. No one ever has to ask the other to help. There are certain chores that I do and some she does but after this many years we know which are which. Just help on the daily grind items, it goes a very long way. But, like I said, my wife works her butt off...

^^ we do the same thing and it works well. Sometimes we'll step it up even more in some areas when necessary.

jasionox666x · 04-24-2014, 08:12 PM

It's tough
I can't help but SPEAK before I THINK and the wrong **** always comes out, and I always think the worst of everything.

04-23-2014, 12:18 AM	#26
jasionox666x Registered User Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Horsham, PA Posts: 1,959	Re: Hey. I need someone to talk to She talks to me, we talk to one another. I was never an emotional person. I was always a hardass. I always thought that saying "I love you" was enough. I had my issues and I have worked on them. Her complaints now are: I don't take initiative. I need to be told to do laundry, dished, whatever. I have a bad memory and I don't go to the doctor about it. I had anger issues, they are gone now though. I have a bad memory, wait, I already mentioned that. I need to grow up and be a man, I think this ties into the initiative portion. Apparently I go back to my old habits of not communicating properly, taking her complaints are criticism and defending myself and criticising her back. I'm going to go to therapy about these issues. A cognitive behavioral therapist / Marriage Counselor. We are doing a separation as well. She will be seeing a therapist as well and eventually we will go as a couple to the same therapist we see individually.

04-23-2014, 08:05 AM	#27
bluoval Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Location: Peoria, IL Posts: 1,101	Re: Hey. I need someone to talk to This book saved our marriage before it even started: http://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Langu...love+languages

04-23-2014, 08:28 AM	#28
jasionox666x Registered User Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Horsham, PA Posts: 1,959	Re: Hey. I need someone to talk to She asked me to read it a long time ago and I pushed it off to the side. I eventually read it though and wished I would have read it when she had asked me to. She said she needs to know my changes are genuine now. She put up a wall so that she won't be disappointed again. It's killing me

04-23-2014, 09:30 AM	#29
bluoval Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Location: Peoria, IL Posts: 1,101	Re: Hey. I need someone to talk to The people we care about can only take so much - then we must act our way back into them trusting us. Words mean little without verifiable action of course.

04-23-2014, 10:19 AM	#30
not a gt Registered User Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Waaayy out in the country,leave your GPS at home! Posts: 4,825	Re: Hey. I need someone to talk to Do NOT change the essence of who you are. The drinking, attitude etc, yes can be worked on and improved. At the same time, a marriage is not blackmail or extortion, do not lose YOUR identity trying to be everything SHE wants. She THINKS that is what she wants, but then she won't respect you caving in to ALL her demands. You will reach a point that it will hit you: All you did didn't really matter, she already had a vision in her mind of how she wanted you to be, it just wasn't you. I really hope it all works out and you clebrate a 50 year anniversary..as YOU!!!, not a shell of who you truly are just to make HER happy. All my best wishes brother...stay strong!!! __________________ 2003 DSG Mach 1-03 Cobra Term/T56 swap: 2.3L Whipple,3.37 Upper,4 lb.lower, ID 1000 injectors,LCD cooling mod,Billetflow idlers,200A Alt,oil cooler delete with MMR adapter plate,MM oil filter kit,FrozenBoost Heat Exchanger Flowtech L.T., Maganaflow O/R X with Magnapacks, FRRP D.S.,T-56 with 26 spline input shaft and anti venom mod with reverse lockout box, FR steel flywheel,Spec Stage 3+,Moser 31 spline axles,FR 3.73 gear Tuned by B.Kurgan 601Hp/558/Tq

04-23-2014, 10:46 AM	#31
jasionox666x Registered User Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Horsham, PA Posts: 1,959	Re: Hey. I need someone to talk to Understood but it sucks when it's not reciprocated. Then it's a push and pull situation. I pay attention to her, love her, and everything, but when I ignore her and don't pay attention she gets emotional and cries.

04-24-2014, 08:41 AM	#34
jasionox666x Registered User Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Horsham, PA Posts: 1,959	Re: Hey. I need someone to talk to Oh I know I'm the man! I will do this. I have an appointment on Monday with a counselor/therapist/whatever people call them these days. I feel weak asking for help like this, I really do. Makes me feel less of a man, but it's something I NEED to do. I ****ing love this woman to death

04-24-2014, 03:07 PM	#35
TKat13 Mach-T Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: DFW Posts: 2,865	Been there! My wife works as hard as I do, this means that when the trash is full, dishes need cleaning , etc, then whomever sees it first takes care of it. If I see her doing dishes, I get up off my * and clean the counter and check the level of trash. It is a partnership, I do my own laundry, she does hers (I turned a shirt of hers pink and shrank it , so I do not do hers, lol) but we both do our daughter's laundry, when she was younger. No one ever has to ask the other to help. There are certain chores that I do and some she does but after this many years we know which are which. Just help on the daily grind items, it goes a very long way. But, like I said, my wife works her butt off... __________________ Darrell Black** '04 Mach 1 Track Times (bone-stock w/drs):60 ft - 1.90 \| 1/8 - 8.67 (100 shot,E85,4:10s,Street tire):60 ft - 1.67 \| 1/8 - 7.88 New build - 750rwhp; not track tested (yet) Mods: Build Log Paint&Body Tuned by Manny @ HPP

04-24-2014, 08:12 PM	#37
jasionox666x Registered User Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Horsham, PA Posts: 1,959	Re: Hey. I need someone to talk to It's tough I can't help but SPEAK before I THINK and the wrong **** always comes out, and I always think the worst of everything.

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