Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

[hawk]

Originally Posted by birdman941

Another update:
Original name: Shaker scoop.
New name: Moron magnet
Supposed to duct fresh cool air into the air intake,
but mainly what it does is illicit retarded questions from Mullet wearers
such as:
"Is that a Supercharger?"
or "Why did you cut a hole in the hood of your GT?"

Also provides job security to people employed in the manufacture of "Back to Black" , "Pigspit" and similar products...

[falcongtho3]

In cleanign my car for the upcoming Birmingham show, this thread came to mind.
For newer members, please start at the beginning. For those that have been around, I am adding some new defintions. Feel free to chime in with your own...

Vacuum Cleaner (specifically; Dirt Devil): This is a compact item capable of massive amounts of noise while picking up any item smaller than a grain of sand at the tremdous speed of one grain per square meter per hour. After long use it also gives the additional feature of depositing a huge dust could right in the are that you just Armor All'd, making a rigid paste that is virtually unremovable.

Carpet: Obviously a product of a secret gov't Black Ops project. Capable of holding any item as thought it were Velcro, it is also capable of hiding items dating back to before the actual build of the car until you think you have cleaned that area completely.

Floor mats: Made of the above mentioned carpet, it proudly displays where your feet are, while alowing you to crush items underneath it into the above metioned carpet so that it can never be removed, even with a torch.

Leather: A micro thin material barely capable of covering a seat, while diplaying textures never to seen by man or animal, or by a man on an animal. Only designed to last the warranty period fo the car, it is fitted to various parts of the seats but only in areas known to people who refuse to divulge such information.

[gbranton]

Originally Posted by falcongtho3

Oringinal Item Description: Engine Compartment
New Item Description: The Deadly Black Hole. Housing the Mach 1's power plant it also incorporates a dirt generator as well as the sharpest edged metal known to mankind, allowing not only blood to be spilled at the very idea of checking the oil but grinding into that wound a type of dirt never previously seen by humankind.

I found this out the hard way when I replaced the electric fan after the blade broke. The ABS module has sharper edges on it than anything in my kitchen. Why they want to put something in the engine compartment that is honed to a knife edge I'll never know. I bled ALOT after what should have been a five minute job.

I am glad to know I'm not the only one that thinks the seatbelts are horrible.

[cobramach1]

Oh, fantastic. I never saw this original post. Thanks for resurrecting and adding some new ones. They were hilarious!

[Azure Blurr]

Our carpet is a mess to. Kids and women!

[MachGirl04]

Originally Posted by Azure Blurr

Our carpet is a mess to. Kids and women!

Sure, blame them. The only people riding in my car have been me and 2 kids. We have clean carpet.

But comfort weave seats do make good crumb catchers, prevent grains of salt and sugar of falling onto the floor.

To the people who can't get bugs out of the back window...take a piece of duct tape and wrap it around a yard stick or other slender object ( Nicole Ritchie??) and stick that back there to pick up things.

[falcongtho3]

Originally Posted by MachGirl04

But comfort weave seats do make good crumb catchers, prevent grains of salt and sugar of falling onto the floor.

To the people who can't get bugs out of the back window...take a piece of duct tape and wrap it around a yard stick or other slender object ( Nicole Ritchie??) and stick that back there to pick up things.

The tiny small squares in our dis-comfort weave seats are certainly capable of holding anyhting and everything within the interior, and holding on with dear life to them. It also holds any liquid, especially any cleaner, so that nothing gets a chance to be wiped on without dousing the seat face.

Since Nicole Ritchie has has one kind, and has another on the way our new micro-yardstick is going to have to be either Lindsay Lohan or Callista Flockhart. Feel free to use either, everyone else does.

[Azure Blurr]

Originally Posted by MachGirl04

Sure, blame them. The only people riding in my car have been me and 2 kids. We have clean carpet.

Mine just don't know how to knock the sand out of there shoes. Our driveway and yard is mere sand. I made a concrete 24x24 parking pad for the cars in hopes of them not getting so much crap in the cars. My attempts were futile.

[Stangfan]

How did I miss this thread...? Great stuff!

[Mach351]

Originally Posted by falcongtho3

Carpet: Obviously a product of a secret gov't Black Ops project. Capable of holding any item as though it were Velcro, it is also capable of hiding items dating back to before the actual build of the car until you think you have cleaned that area completely.

This reminded me of feeling like a lottery winner when I found a ton of change under the carpet after pulling the front seat to put in a new quadrant.

This is great stuff...

[65fastback2+2]

Originally Posted by falcongtho3

Since Nicole Ritchie has has one kind, and has another on the way our new micro-yardstick is going to have to be either Lindsay Lohan or Callista Flockhart. Feel free to use either, everyone else does.

im proud of you, way to not be sexist and provide a male and female version

lohan for the women and flockhart for the men

[macher03]

Good ones, John!

[MachWonGuy]

LOL
Gotta love the Seat Belts & holder....

[falcongtho3]

Originally Posted by macher03

Good ones, John!

Thanks all. I know everyone here can relate to many, if not all of the things I've written.
I'ts all tongue in cheek...but there's a lot of truth to it all, and I hope it brings a smile to your face.

Feel free to add your own!

[kiler be]

All true!!!

We can't forget our Great head lights
Made to see no more than 5 Ft. in front of our cars.

[JDraper]

Well after just coming in from washing my car, I was reminded about another necessary update.

Ford Factory Paint: New name: Removable Vehicle Makeup. This is an extremely thin veneer applied sparingly to the exterior of a vehicle. Much like a woman's makeup, it is designed to hide the base material from the unsuspecting consumer until the vehicle is purchased. Soon after the purchase, small chips rapidly appear and exponentially increase over time to allow the owner to see what the base material really looks like. Eventually the owner will become disgruntled and either upgrade to a new model or send the old one in for a facelift.

[shake this]

The paint thing is really bad. My wife has a 04 Volvo XC90 and after cleaning both up one day I moved them back into the garage. My garage has 4 shop style florescent lights (one of the best upgrades we added when building). Anyway, you can’t even make out the shape of the lights on the Mach but if you take a picture off the Volvo you couldn’t tell the difference from it and a picture of the lights themselves. The orange peal on the Mach almost makes me not want to detail it but I always seem to push on.

I don’t expect a show car paint job from the factory but you shouldn’t feel like your looking at the Swiss Alps either.

[falcongtho3]

We can't forget:

Fog Lamps; Cheap semi-clear plastic resevoirs designed to glow slightly when power is applied to them. More importantly they hold large amounts of water and also contain over priced bulbs which expire at various rates of time.

Gas prices; Large numbers posted on large signs designed to depress the average motorist. These numbers often have little to do with actual value, but can be bet on to rise when vacations are planned, huricanes are expected, or the sun comes up.

[spacemonkey067]

hahaha this thread is freakin awesome! we can't forget two of our fav interior parts as well

Cup Holder: a strategically placed item that to the passenger seems like a great place to put their beverage. to the driver this same item represents the hardest shifting challenge known to man.

Coin Holder: truth be told it was designed by jack bauer for him to kill drug lords and terrorist by flinging change at them when the mach 1 was used in season 3 of 24. to the rest of us we have to deal with the fact that it attacks anyone and everyone who would ever ride in the passenger seat and would need a "honey i shrunk the kids" version of nicole richie to clean it.

[gvervoren]

Originally Posted by JDraper

Now THAT is DEAD ON!!!! Whatta POS!!!


Another addition


Original Item Description: Manual Transmission Shifter Ball.
New Item Description: Right Hand Branding Tool. This devious (but innocent looking) device was claimed by Ford to be there to give you a comfortable grip when shifting gears. However, it is best know for searing the shift pattern into the palm of your hand, so you will always know what the pattern is supposed to be.

Ain't that the truth. I don't know how many times a pretty much burnt my hands touching the shifter after it's been outside all day.

[Azure Blurr]

Originally Posted by Mach1Marauder

OH HUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I doesn't get THAT hot in GREENBAY!

Freezer burn

[Mach1tosh]

However, it is best know for searing the shift pattern into the palm of your hand, so you will always know what the pattern is supposed to be.[/FONT][/QUOTE]

Remember to hold your palm up to the rear view mirror, come to think of it that's about all the rear view mirrors are good for 'cause ya can't see squat behind you.

[gvervoren]

Actually if you put your hand on it in the morning you get freezer burn on your palms. If you put your hand on it later that day, it will get burnt from heat. Green bay weather, gotta love it. We can have frost in the morning and 65 degree weather later in the day. LOL It was 30 degrees when I woke up this morning and it is now 68 degrees at 4:30PM.

[falcongtho3]

Since it is now time to dust off and clean up our Mach 1s for the upcoming show season, I thought I'd dust off this old thread. For those new(er) here and have never read it, it's pretty funny. Feel free to add your own observations about our Mach 1s.

[311-420]

Greatness. If I had more time to compose a well written paragraph, I would. But my break is almost over.