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Old 01-11-2007, 01:06 PM   #1
falcongtho3
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Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

In the better than four years I've owned my Mach 1 it has become apparent that there are tings on our cars which have a function other than what they were originally designed for. These are the ones I've observed and if anyone has similar experiences which they would like to add to the list, please feel free to do so;

Original Item Description: Rear Deck Spoiler
New Item Descripton: Rear Deck Lid mounted water container. This item can retain water from a simple car wash or rain in a way that a camel only dream of. There could possibly be aquatic life existing in mine as it car apparently hold water until the next rain or car wash.

Original Item Description: Traction Control
New Item Description: That Stupid Button on the Center Stack. This is Fords sick version of an intiation prank gone horribly wrong. Capable of roller coaster class terror on it's first activation, it is also probably capable of knocking out teeth to those who are unaware of its villany.

Original Item Description: Simulated Side Mounted Brake Scoops
New Item Description: Side Mounted Dirt Catchers. These ornamental scoops were designed by the same scientists who designed the Bussard Ram Scoop collectors on the Warp Nacells on the USS Enterprise. Capable of trapping the most minute particles when any forward velocity is established, they are equally frustrating to clean...an eventually useless effort if the car is to ever be driven in the future.

Original Item Description: Seat Belts
New Item Description: Road Rage Straps. Designed to hold the occupants car in place in an accident, these cunningly designed items will jam at any oppotunity causing the very accidents they were designed to help in. In addition they will fail to retract when ever the door is opened, so that when the door is closed the seat belt will manage to sick out past the door causing even more aggravation.

Original Item Description: Seat Belt Guide Loop
New Item Description: Stupid Piece of Plastic. Designed to guide the belt into the proper angle, it is actually only used keep the seat belt for any possible use and will enhance the jamming capabilities of the above item.

Original Item Description: Leather Seat Inserts
New Item Description: Leather Wrinkle Panels. These once smooth panels that flank the simulated knitted vinyl on the seats take on the texture of crumple up aluminum foil when exposed to either sunlight or the weight of the rear end of anyone heavier than Nicole Ritchie.

Oringinal Item Description: Engine Compartment
New Item Description: The Deadly Black Hole. Housing the Mach 1's power plant it also incorporates a dirt generator as well as the sharpest edged metal knwon to mankind, allowing not only blood to be spilled at the very idea of checking the oil but grinding into that wound a type of dirt never previously seen by humankind.

Original Item Description: Fuel Gauge
New Item Descripton: Stupid Fuel Gauge. Only good for indicating when the fuel tank might be close to empty, or pegging out when the tank has been filled, any simliarities in between it and the actual fuel tank level is totally accidental and unintended.

Hope you learned something...enjoy...
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Old 04-12-2009, 12:36 PM   #2
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Quote:
Originally Posted by falcongtho3 View Post
Oringinal Item Description: Engine Compartment
New Item Description: The Deadly Black Hole. Housing the Mach 1's power plant it also incorporates a dirt generator as well as the sharpest edged metal known to mankind, allowing not only blood to be spilled at the very idea of checking the oil but grinding into that wound a type of dirt never previously seen by humankind.
I found this out the hard way when I replaced the electric fan after the blade broke. The ABS module has sharper edges on it than anything in my kitchen. Why they want to put something in the engine compartment that is honed to a knife edge I'll never know. I bled ALOT after what should have been a five minute job.

I am glad to know I'm not the only one that thinks the seatbelts are horrible.
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Old 04-12-2009, 12:39 PM   #3
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Oh, fantastic. I never saw this original post. Thanks for resurrecting and adding some new ones. They were hilarious!
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Old 04-12-2009, 12:54 PM   #4
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Our carpet is a mess to. Kids and women!
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Old 04-12-2009, 01:06 PM   #5
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Azure Blurr View Post
Our carpet is a mess to. Kids and women!
Sure, blame them. The only people riding in my car have been me and 2 kids. We have clean carpet.

But comfort weave seats do make good crumb catchers, prevent grains of salt and sugar of falling onto the floor.

To the people who can't get bugs out of the back window...take a piece of duct tape and wrap it around a yard stick or other slender object ( Nicole Ritchie??) and stick that back there to pick up things.
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Old 04-12-2009, 01:28 PM   #6
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MachGirl04 View Post
But comfort weave seats do make good crumb catchers, prevent grains of salt and sugar of falling onto the floor.

To the people who can't get bugs out of the back window...take a piece of duct tape and wrap it around a yard stick or other slender object ( Nicole Ritchie??) and stick that back there to pick up things.

The tiny small squares in our dis-comfort weave seats are certainly capable of holding anyhting and everything within the interior, and holding on with dear life to them. It also holds any liquid, especially any cleaner, so that nothing gets a chance to be wiped on without dousing the seat face.

Since Nicole Ritchie has has one kind, and has another on the way our new micro-yardstick is going to have to be either Lindsay Lohan or Callista Flockhart. Feel free to use either, everyone else does.

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Old 04-12-2009, 01:52 PM   #7
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Quote:
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Sure, blame them. The only people riding in my car have been me and 2 kids. We have clean carpet.
Mine just don't know how to knock the sand out of there shoes. Our driveway and yard is mere sand. I made a concrete 24x24 parking pad for the cars in hopes of them not getting so much crap in the cars. My attempts were futile.
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Old 03-29-2011, 09:32 AM   #8
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Since it is now time to dust off and clean up our Mach 1s for the upcoming show season, I thought I'd dust off this old thread. For those new(er) here and have never read it, it's pretty funny. Feel free to add your own observations about our Mach 1s.

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Old 03-29-2011, 10:42 AM   #9
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Greatness. If I had more time to compose a well written paragraph, I would. But my break is almost over.
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Old 03-29-2011, 01:13 PM   #10
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Quote:
Originally Posted by 311-420 View Post
Greatness. If I had more time to compose a well written paragraph, I would. But my break is almost over.
X's 2
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Old 03-29-2011, 02:41 PM   #11
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

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X's 2
YOU on a break? Ok mr. Retiree.
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Old 03-29-2011, 04:12 PM   #12
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Quote:
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YOU on a break? Ok mr. Retiree.
I had a busy day. 1. Visit the motorcycle shop.
2. Visit the Kart shop.
3 Return home for lunch with my wife on her break form
Jury duty.
4. Visit the local Ford store.
5. Go home and relax after a tiring day.
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Old 05-21-2022, 07:51 PM   #13
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Still funny today! The bug in my back window is named Archie.
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Old 05-21-2022, 09:21 PM   #14
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Still one of my favorite all time threads. It could probably use some updating as the cars age and certain items fail or disintegrate; one most obvious, the clutch throwout bearing on manual tranny cars. This item is obviosuly made by Fisher-Price and is made of exotic eggshell material seeing how long they seem to hold up.
More to come!
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Old 05-21-2022, 09:48 PM   #15
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Quote:
Originally Posted by falcongtho3 View Post
Still one of my favorite all time threads. It could probably use some updating as the cars age and certain items fail or disintegrate; one most obvious, the clutch throwout bearing on manual tranny cars. This item is obviosuly made by Fisher-Price and is made of exotic eggshell material seeing how long they seem to hold up.
More to come!
Mine allegedly had the clutch rebuilt before I purchased it, but judging by the cable and quadrant they used, I don't have much hope for the throw-out bearing at all. Fisher-Price would be an upgrade.
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:05 AM   #16
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Since we're coming up to show season again I figured it 's time to dust this one off.
Along with more:
Item: Throw out bearing. Designed by the same people who gave us tissue paper and throw away phones, this $20 item is designed to make you spend serious money on labor and decide to replace a perfectly good clutch while you're in the neighborhood.
Item: Pinion seal. Another sub-$20 item that can set you back $1,000 when replaced by someone who thinks he has some concept of how to replace it properly, and doesn't.
Item: Leather seat covers. Ford's idea of a long term funny. Made of something that kids made kites out of back in the day, it wears like the above mentioned tissue paper and cracks like its made out of peanut brittle.

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Old 03-30-2014, 08:36 AM   #17
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

LOL !!!!! John, very true, I never get tired of laughing at these features on our cars....
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Old 03-30-2014, 10:20 AM   #18
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

I know this is an old thread, but we had so much going on the early years I know there are some epic threads that some of the newer members should be able to enjoy.
Feel free to add to the list!
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Old 04-11-2014, 11:18 AM   #19
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Interior door handles: Originally intended to aid the driver in shutting the doors. Actually used as removable storage containers you will undoubtedly take with you whether you like it or not.
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Old 04-03-2016, 08:27 PM   #20
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

I just read through all 3 pages and OMG hilarious!!! I haven't had mine long enough to notice anymore of the above mentioned quirks but when I do ill let you know. I will say this about the Plastic Wiper Cowl DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! I saw a slight bulge in the middle of mine yesterday and yes I touched it and it cracked off in four different directions.So I backed off,stared at it for a second and walked away slowly. The end. I am not a word smith so if someone wants to make a terminology for this , go right ahead
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Old 01-11-2007, 01:25 PM   #21
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Too funny!
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Old 01-11-2007, 01:33 PM   #22
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Well Said
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Old 01-11-2007, 01:42 PM   #23
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Nice I liked it a lot
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Old 01-11-2007, 01:49 PM   #24
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

Well put!:LAUGH:
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Old 01-11-2007, 01:55 PM   #25
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Re: Updates to Mach 1 terminology...

chin spoiler=curb feeler/tells you how f'd up driveways to shopping centers are
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